Planning behind

Sometimes, things don't go the way you planned them.

Yesterday, Homecoming week finally wrapped up and the music ministry group that I am a part of took a trip to play at a church service five hours away this weekend.

We left yesterday afternoon and returned early this evening. It was a great trip; us five girls got to bond together, we played our music, and shared some great stories. But I'll be honest: I didn't want to go on this trip.

I know what you're thinking: party pooper.

It's not that I didn't want to spend time with these ladies. They're fantastic and we're all unique and have different things to bring to the table. When it comes down to it, this trip just wasn't something that I wanted to add to my crazily scheduled week that is, thankfully, now behind me.

I'm not complaining here; the week ended up being great and pretty fun. I just hate the fact that I secretly (and sometimes not-so-secretly) dreaded it so much.

I planned on not looking forward to much of anything.

I, as a human being, plan. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love organization. Give me a planner (I'll take another just so I can fill it out), an Outlook calendar, an agenda to create, a fresh pack of G2 pens (which I just bought, actually) and I'll get this tingly feeling inside. I like to know what I'm doing and when, and then find out when I can squeeze whatever else into my schedule. But occasionally, what I think is going to happen and what I expect ends up being quite different in comparison to my original idea.

Here are some things that didn't go according to plan within the last week:

1. We didn't get the amount of space we requested for our Tailgate Party. Decisions had to be made on the fly in order to maximize the potential of the space we ended up with. What happened? It worked out fine.
2. We ended up cutting out a part of an event that was supposed to follow the pillow fight. What happened? We didn't have to clean up peanut butter-slathered people covered in feathers. Oh, and we can return the unopened peanut butter jars to the store. Refund!
3. We didn't have a soccer field where we could have intramural soccer. What happened? We moved it indoors after intramural basketball.
4. I stayed up later than I intended to a few nights this week.
5. The D-Now retreat at my church that I have been helping plan for the past, oh, long time got cancelled today. What happened? I'm sad and disappointed that not enough students signed up, but I know God has a reason behind it.
6. We had to cut a few of our songs short during the service today and create endings where we don't usually have them. What happened? We played less. No biggie. 
7. We left some of our equipment at school that we needed for the service, hygiene, and to avoid breaking the law. What happened? We made do with what we had and found substitutes for the things we still needed - and bought a new adapter for the trailer lights.
8. I had to rush to get some tasks done when I thought other people had them covered. What happened? I rushed to get some tasks done and everything went fine and I considered the extra work an excuse for coffee.
9. I forgot to eat several times this week. What happened? I felt pretty awful actually. I need to work on this.
10. I got stressed out a lot about what ended up to not be much at all. What happened? Well...I need to work on this, too. I am silly and worry about pretty much everything.

On my way driving back out to school yesterday, the song "Whatever" by Steven Curtis Chapman came up on shuffle on my iPod. This is an older song and it used to be one of my favorites to listen to. Right now, considering all of the things that I am trying to plan ahead for, like internship plans, what to do this summer, trips, saving money, career opportunities, LIFE - this song came at me in a new way. Highlights:

I made a list, wrote down from A to Z

Of all the ways I thought that You could best use me
Told all my strengths and my abilities
I formed a plan - it seemed to make good sense
I spelled it out for You so sure You'd be convinced
I made my case, presented my defense

But then I read the letter that You sent me
You said that all You really want from me is just
Whatever, whatever You say

Whatever - I will obey

Whatever - Lord, have Your way
'Cause You are my God - whatever

So strike a match, set fire to the list

Of all my good intentions, all my preconceived ideas

I want to do Your will no matter what it is

Give me faith to follow where You lead me
Oh, Lord, give me the courage and the strength to do

Whatever, whatever You say...

Yeah. I basically do that all the time - try to plan out what God wants me to do. Granted, sometimes it's big things and sometimes it's small things, but God has a way of shaking everything up, big and small. His ideas are always better than mine anyway. Why can't I just give it up? 

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" - James 4:13-15

I will still have my planner and my to-do lists. I will still try to keep track of everything. But God sees the big picture in all of it - I should be able to trust him with that and enjoy (not dread) what he has in store for the ride.