Half-note, half-note, whole rest

In my silly little brain, I've drawn a fine line between laziness and resting.

That was dumb.

Anytime I rest, whether it is a nap or watching an episode of "The Big Bang Theory" on DVD, or just sitting somewhere for crying out loud, I have this mental glitch that tells me that I am being lazy and unproductive. No matter how much I enjoy this time of rest, this underlying guilty vibe comes back to say, "And what did you accomplish in the past 20 minutes? Hmm?"

Yes, I do this to myself. I stress myself out, make myself anxious about silly things, and worry that someone is going to think less of me if I am found reading Sherlock Holmes instead of the theology books I should be reading for class. In fact, I have this spoken rule ("spoken" only because I have, in fact, said it out loud several times) that I will not read for leisure unless I have finished all the reading I need to have completed for class.

It's lame.

So here I am, taking a break from homework after another long day, awake much later than I would like to be. I feel bad that I took a nap earlier - but boy, did I need that.

Again, I believe this task-oriented, time-restricted mindset I've developed essentially controls me. It determines when I sleep, when I do work, when I eat, when I can watch TV, when I can do this or that. And I find myself constantly looking for that next time when I can just rest.

I am one of those people who never stops until it's all finished. I don't procrastinate - sometimes things get pushed back, but only because more things have taken the place of those things. Time must be spared and made the most of! I am a woman of to-do lists, agendas, planners, and routine.

Oh, and a woman of God. Yeah, that too.

So I took a nap earlier. Judge me. I'm still working on homework. Call me lazy. The fact is, I need to learn not to care. God wants us to rest every once in awhile! He spent six days creating oh, you know, the universe and took an entire day to rest. He commands us to observe the Sabbath, whatever that means anymore (sarcasm sign - that's for all you BBT fans out there) and what do we do? We work harder.

If we can find joy in a time of rest, and I mean legit joy, this is good. I daresay more of us find ourselves too infatuated with doing to seek the full enjoyment of not doing.

"He says, 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" - Psalm 46:10

He's got it covered. He's got our high notes and low notes; the melodies when we sing alone and the harmonies when we sing together; but for Pete's sake, rest every once in awhile. If everyone played at the same time, the music would be flat and loud and dull. I need to work on letting God fill in instead of trying to do it all myself.

Things I like doing in that precious thing called "spare time":

1. Drawing
2. Watching TV or a movie
3. Sleeping
4. Writing
5. Looking at photos
6. Reading
7. Listening to music
8. Playing Wii
9. Playing music
10. Pondering