Psst! I moved.

I moved here: http://bryannahampton.wordpress.com/

It's nothing personal. Follow me here...if you want...or don't.

Oh, oh, it's magic...

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I.

And, frankly, I haven't been a particularly huge fan of the films up to this point. I didn't even see the sixth one. But I was eager to see the first part of what was sure to be an epic ending.

I personally thought it was great. It was intense throughout and kept true within reason to the novels. It's been awhile since I've read the books, considering the last time I read one was shortly after the seventh one was released, but from what I remember, the books made me impressed by the film.

I'm just not a big fan of the whole waiting-for-the-next-half-of-the-movie-to-come-out thing.

However, out of all of the books, the niftiest little gadget that has been most appealing to me (other than a wand, of course) is the Time Turner. Hermione is granted one of these gizmos in The Goblet of Fire in order to help her achieve all of her academic goals. She really does not have enough time in a day to accomplish everything and take all of the classes she needs, but with a simple turn of this contraption attached to a chain, she gains more time.

I would just like to say that Christmas is coming and Barnes & Noble has Time Turners and a sticker kit to go with it for $8.95.

I'm just sayin'.

This really goes back to what I've said before and will probably say again: how on this earth are we spending our time? One thing that I would like to do more is memorize Scripture. About a month or so ago, my wonderful roommate wrote on our mirrors with a dry erase marker a particular passage. It is good to be able to glance up once in awhile and be reminded of what it says:

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." - Romans 12:9-13

That's only the first part written on our mirrors. Although it may be nice to have a Time Turner, granted the ability to cram more tasks and work into my routine, I need to keep my outlook on the big picture. You know, the one with God's kingdom. That one. It's so easy to fall for the spell that the world casts on us; I need to see past it sometimes.

Anyway...since the American Music Awards (AMAs) were tonight, here's a list of ten songs that pop up on shuffle on my iTunes list:

1. "Way Back into Love" - Haley Bennett and Hugh Grant (from Music and Lyrics)
2. "Steady as She Goes" - Sky Sailing
3. "Spotlight" - Mute Math
4. "Next Five Minutes" - Steven Curtis Chapman
5. "Listen to What the Man Said" - Wings
6. "World War III" - Jonas Brothers
7. "Ants Marching" - Dave Matthews Band
8. "Lady Madonna" - The Beatles
9. "I Don't Need a Soul" - Relient K
10. "Workin' Day and Night" - Michael Jackson

Well, these are the first ten I encountered that I would listen to, anyway.

In other news, I'm filling out some applications for some opportunities. And stuff. So again, prayers are appreciated. Basically, I just need to hold my horses and not get too excited - there's nothing worse than breaking your own heart. Well, maybe. But it stinks.

Of the essence

Today in our class that serves as a "staff meeting" for our online newspaper, we talked about the usual stuff. I wasn't sure who was working on a particular story, myself or another writer, and I asked in a manner similar to this: "Who exactly would you like writing this story? I'm trying to figure out what to devote my life to."

Sounds kind of lame, doesn't it?

In all reality, my words spat out of my mouth so that I could fit them in and, well, that's what happened. I had fully intended to say "devote my time to" instead of "devote my life to", but I ended up concluding that it means pretty much the same thing. Right?

In my other class, a course on Christian theology, my professor continued his lecture on creation. Several different theories of possible conceptions of the universe came into play, including some I had never heard of or thought about. Some theories proposed the possibility that the six days of creation were literal 24-hour days while others pondered the idea that the six days of creation were just six different stages, ages or time frames.

Is a day just a literal matter of time? Or is it something we live out?

Finding myself in a routine of sorts, I asked myself this question today. Am I living my life out in stages, years, months, weeks, days, semesters, episodes of The Office? To what am I devoting my time/life to?

Funny how that works. I come to the close of the day, wrap up homework, check various communication outlets, shower, switch out notebooks and textbooks in my backpack, load the refrigerator with a new bottle of Snapple peach tea, blog, read a chapter or so of the Bible, journal, pray, go to bed. The rest of the day comes with it, packaged up in a quaint, factory-made right-off-the-supply-line box.

In other words, today starts to feel the same as yesterday, if you know what I mean. And tomorrow follows suit. But here's this:

"Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God." - I Peter 4:1-2

I don't know exactly what the will of God is, but I know he has provided us with plenty of ways to follow his lead. If I desire him more than the things of this world, it will be very difficult to mistake the path to bringing him glory.

It's really rather comforting, I think.

Things within my reach right at this very moment:

1. Cell phone
2. Bible
3. Journal
4. The latest copy of People magazine
5. Turning Points: Decisive Moments in the History of Christianity by Mark A. Noll
6. Morning Glory by Diana Peterfreund
7. Cup of water
8. The Complete Sherlock Holmes, Vol. I by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
9. Ibuprofen
10. Kleenex

To everyone seeing Harry Potter right now, I hope you're enjoying it. Whatever will we do after Part II releases? Wingardium leviosa! Swish and flick...which, if you ask me, sounds more like something you would tell a child to help describe how to brush your teeth. You tell me which is more likely.

Pressing pause

Being a part of the launch party for our university online newspaper is quite the trip. It's been in the works since last spring, but in one of my classes this semester we've been providing the filling...and everything else, for that matter.

Here's the deal: there are four of us. Four isn't much, especially when we have to make the whole vehicle run.

I like editing; it's the biggest part of my job at this point. I edit everyone's stories and send them to our professor for her approval before they go live on the site. Like I said, I enjoy it, but it takes up a lot of time. When it comes down to writing my own stories, I almost have to write it all in my head first during the time I have before I can type it out.

It makes for an interesting news feed in my head.

In a nutshell, or nut graph for you journalists out there, my brain is functioning on a whole new speed these days. Taking in information, creating my own, making sure everything is done when it needs to be, connecting to the lives of other people...it's like one of those news channels with seven different feeds running across the bottom and top of the screen.

Alas, is this what our lives have become? Information overload? I believe it has.

It all circles back to that need for peace. A peace from God that can only be generated by placing our total trust in him.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

I'm still working on that. It's good to help people edit their stories, and definitely important to write our own, but we can't leave out the Author of our lives - and key subject matter. I know that his Spirit guides, but I have to shut off a few channels in order to tune in to his direction.

Some things I follow on Twitter, which is what my life feels like sometimes when you hear from people all of the time and don't always know what to make of it all and then you're supposed to type in 140 characters or less something worthwhile but you know that no one probably really cares...come on, spare time:

1. @washingtonpost - The Washington Post
2. @HuffingtonPost - Huffington Post
3. @AP - The Associated Press
4. @CBSNews - CBS News
5. @NBCNews - NBC News
6. @espn - ESPN
7. @andersoncooper - Anderson Cooper
8. @AdviceToWriters - Jon Winokur
9. @nytimes - The New York Times
10. @USATODAY - USA TODAY Top News

Thanksgiving break can come quicker if it would like.

Kicked out cares

I'm becoming a night owl.

Don't get me wrong. It isn't that I'm not a morning person; I just have the chance to relieve my mind of all of the bearings of the day I just lived when the evening rolls around.

Regardless, living in the dorms, you don't get much alone time. Being an introvert, I'll take all the alone time I can get. Sometimes my only chance is when I take my daily evening shower. I don't have to hold conversations with anyone but myself and God and, when it comes down to it, that is the most necessary part of my day anyway.

Ever since Sunday's sermon about worrying slapped me in the face, I've been opting to make better use of that time when I communicate with myself, if you will. Instead of worrying and overthinking matters unnecessarily, pondering useful and positive solutions or concepts has taken its place.

I mean, that sermon was something. I have always known worrying wasn't good - duh. But the emphasis on the fact that God provides was such a blessing that I needed to hear right then and there. Thinking about money and possibilities in the near future was starting to put me in frantic mode. My constant focus on accomplishing my work on time and making people happy had already pushed me over a metaphorical cliff.

But hearing Matthew 6:25-31, although I knew the passage and reference and guessed it would be the basis for the sermon called "Worry Wart", hit me in a new way. It's one thing to read it and know it's there, but another thing entirely to take it to heart. Especially:

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" - Matthew 6:27

I'm going to go with "no."

And it's true. My worries control me, whether I am consciously aware of it or not. The last few days, I've tried to let go. You know something? I feel much better about things. God has shown me things about myself and ways to encourage others. I'm still feeding off his inspiration because he loves me. I don't need to worry about that.

Pray this continues to move in the right direction. I'm praying about it, too.

Things that usually, always and definitely worry me:

1. Pleasing people - why are you all so difficult?
2. Getting all of my work completed well and on time
3. People thinking poorly of me, which I think is different than #1
4. Forgetting something...or somethings...
5. The future (echo...echo...echo...)
6. The past - like I can do anything about it
7. Being wrong
8. Being misunderstood
9. My sins, failures, mistakes, etc.
10. Missing something I shouldn't

Today, not many of those things have trapped me with worrisome thoughts. It's kinda nice. I should let God do it all more often. :)

...and a side of inspiration.

Friday, I saw Morning Glory.

Okay. A few things: I'm a big fan of Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton are pretty cool, and um, oh - I'm kind of a Communications major.

But really.

This movie inspired me. Classic go-get-'em-girl plot with giggles and wit and at the same time, I believed it. Granted, in the filming of our news segment on campus, there are maybe 15 people involved at once, on a good week. Not to mention the fact that we're at a private university and not, oh, a network. But I related to McAdams's character. And it was in New York.

I know I'm using italicized words a lot, but I just can't help it.

There's something about it all, and you'll have to see it to understand me clearly, that had me on the edge of my seat in the theater with my head in my hands the whole time, eager to see what would happen. The intensity of being on the air, the constant search for the next newest story, the must-please persona - I understood.

At the same time, in, you know, real life, I am seeking my own career path. I am trying to learn constantly and more and more I am starting to love the communications field. When I started here, I wasn't sure I could do it. I didn't think I was competitive enough. But ever so slowly, and I mean really slowly, I am seeing this new person busting out of a shell. When I let God take me instead of grinding my heels against the ground, life becomes something much more, well, inspirational.

Which reminds me - I should probably learn how to run in heels. Seems to be the thing all women in movies know how to do.

God has a plan for all of this, whether it is something we want or something deep down we desire, although we may not know specifically what it is. As long as I desire what God desires for me, I know I could take off running...with the birds flying around me and my scarf flying in the air, like in that one movie. Or maybe that was The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Whatever.

So instead of being a wallflower and waiting around for something to happen, I'm going to start actually following God instead of burdening myself so much that I can't even move (sometimes literally). Here:

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength..." - Ephesians 1:18-19

I'd pray for that - wouldn't you?

Films that "inspire" me, attributed to witty banter, complex story lines, and/or talented actors. Also dance sequences:

1. Morning Glory (2010) - Go see it. You have to. Even my dad liked it.
2. The Devil Wears Prada (2006) - I like the people in this movie, and there's that same kind of learning-a-lesson feel. It's a lesson I need to learn.
3. Julie and Julia (2009) - Blogger goes big. Also, Nora Ephron, in my opinion, is a fantastic screenplay writer.
4. Date Night (2010) - Two words: Tina Fey.
5. State of Play (2009) - Come on. It's a journalism movie.
6. Funny Face (1957) - Again, normal girl hits the big time. Call me a female - it's true.
7. Sherlock Holmes (2009) - The intellect and perspective in this movie just makes me drool. I promise that's the major reason. Mostly.
8. The Princess Diaries (2001) - I really enjoy Meg Cabot's writing and watching this movie reminds me of it. Every time I read one of her books I am encouraged to write.
9. Juno (2007) - The writing is great - and composed by a blogger.
10. Runaway Bride (1999) - I don't know. It just does, okay?

I found this article on why books are awesome and thought it tied wonderfully to my last post.

Pray for inspiration.

"And then I don't feel so bad..."

I visited Barnes & Noble today.

You have to understand - I love Barnes & Noble. I am pretty sure I could live there: comfy chairs, an in-store Starbucks, books, games, magazines, newspapers, music, movies, journals, really neat bags...

Yup, I could live there.

Believe it or not, I didn't purchase anything today. JFK's memoir caught my eye in the bargain section, a few older movies like Charade looked intriguing, and way too many other things appeared delightful. It was just a nice, relaxing visit.

There's just something so wonderful about that coffee-mixed-with-fresh-books smell. Even holding a tangible copy of a book, flipping through the pages and feeling the friction on your thumb tips, just makes me want to curl up in one of those giant armchairs they have and pore over the words. Giddy, I know.

Then I found it funny that there was actually a section called, "Paranormal Teen Fiction." Oh, and then a separate section called, "New Paranormal Teen Fiction" and all the covers looked the same.

Call me judgmental.

After glancing around and taking note at what books other people in the store held in their hands, I knew that God had made all of us unique. My dad had a John Wooden book he took interest in, my sister was looking for marching band music, and my mom peered and shopped around for Christmas cards. We all have different favorite things we delight in.

God blessed us with spiritual gifts. For example:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." - Ephesians 1:3-6

The passage goes on to describe these blessings more. Pretty neat.

He also blessed us individually with passions and gifts for different things. Someone may have an eye for fashion, another the ability to speak well, someone else a heart for music. We each also find blessings unique to us, through our relationships and the activities and hobbies we enjoy.

Like bookstores.

While we were at B&N, they were playing The Sound of Music soundtrack and "My Favorite Things" played. I realized I was surrounded by a lot of them. Here are a few of my favorite things:

1. Photographs
2. Snapple peach tea
3. Coffee
4. TOMS shoes
5. Red velvet cake
6. Art
7. The Beatles
8. Baseball
9. Books
10. Puppies (especially my own)

I found it easy to be thankful even for these "little" things. It's the simple things in life sometimes. Elaboration was created by God and I'm okay with that.

On a side note...there are some decisions I have to make and pursue further pretty soon. If you're the praying sort, please pray. Money can't buy me love, but it could sure help with summer opportunities.

Pacem.

One more thing

Yesterday, when I received the assignment to do a Q/A segment for our campus newscast this week, I was starting to feel overloaded. Between editing stories, writing my own, and the list of homework for other classes, thinking about it all at once made it seem like a lot.

Today, I thought about filming the segment, what I was going to say for the 15 seconds I'd be on camera, what I'd wear, how I was going to get to my classes on time, who had responded to my e-mail that asked if they would be willing to talk, and having a camera operator.

You know something? It all worked out.

Even better, I took pride in this segment. This was a special edition of our Timeline Talk street-beat-esque clip. We are asking veterans, who are faculty and staff at the university, what Veterans Day means to them.

The more I thought about it, even amidst my task-oriented thoughts last night, the more I realized that this meant a lot to me. I mean, my middle name is America for crying out loud.

Seriously. It is.

But that pride involved with serving, the courage to do something I can never picture myself doing, the endurance to stand up against the rest of the world - that all is appalling to me. So when I contacted the list of veterans on our campus, I was interested to see what their reactions would be to this question.

One said, "It's really all about pride." Another shared his gratefulness for the opportunity to serve. These were the only responses I had until I sent out an e-mail to a few more faculty members who I found out were veterans.

One of them came down to my professor's office, asking what it was about. At first he, the veteran, seemed taken aback, but when he realized what the purpose of the video really was, he started to tear up. My professor shared this with me and when she did I myself realized what an impact this could have. He had apparently served in Vietnam in combat and said he would come by tomorrow to film but needed some time to gather his thoughts. My professor asked if he was all right - he said he had lost a lot of friends.

My grandfather, who served in the Navy, was my age when World War II came to a close. It's so ridiculous for me to think about. I have it so easy. My biggest battles are over silly things like taking down the things on my to-do list. At first, this assignment was just one more thing I had to do. Now it's one thing more to be grateful about.

I love it when God shows me things like this. It helps me see the bigger picture. I may never be a veteran or see combat firsthand, but God has equipped those who have with the strength and courage to fight these battles. In the same way, God has also given us the tools we need to fight our struggles:

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." - Ephesians 6:11-13

"...the full armor of God." Not just part of it. All of it. With these things, we can be victorious in the God we serve.

Films I like that I have actually seen that involve American wars and/or armed forces (if there's a good one that isn't on here, it's probably because I haven't seen it - like my opinion matters anyway):

1. The Majestic (2001)
2. Pearl Harbor (2001)
3. The Manchurian Candidate (2004)
4. Men of Honor (2000)
5. The Guardian (2006)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
7. White Christmas (1954)
8. Forrest Gump (1994)
9. Good Morning Vietnam (1987)
10. Dear John (2010)

P.S. Veterans Day is tomorrow. Thank a veteran and pray for them. Pray I will remember to do this, too.

TiVo that.

Conan's back.

That's right - the same red-haired man who lost his spot on network television nine months ago has given birth to a new sort of the same thing: "Conan" on TBS.

It's on right now. Spoiler alert: Tom Hanks just got soaked.

Frankly, I'm more of a Letterman fan. I appreciate his humor more. But the upshot of Mr. O'Brien's popularity caught my attention. The first show I watched of his was also his last. Hanks deemed O'Brien "Coco" and, well, it stuck. I've been trying to win a free "Conan" t-shirt for the past several days and they have run out before I got the code off Twitter every time.

I thought it was cool. There were elements of humor, drama, and a tragic romance an audience has with its entertainer. I guess you could classify this as a happy ending...ish. Here's a quote I found from him:

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

In other words, I succumbed to the popularity theory.

Don't we do this all the time? We get hooked on the story of the day. Whether it's in entertainment, or a real life tragedy-turned-success-story, or a triumph like the Chilean miners rescue, our conversational currency is worth more when we actually know what's going on in the world.

So in the mix of quotes from The Office, discussions about who got let off Project Runway, and by golly, the weather, of all things - how often do we insert the Maker of the universe into our conversations?

Not enough on my part.

I'm guilty. I'm finding that prayer throughout the day helps put my focus on what God wants me to pursue. It isn't bad to watch television or listen to music or get the scoop on the latest, but I'm leaning toward putting more emphasis on finding out "the latest" relationally, as in with other actual human beings who I know.

I may not host a talk show. Granted, I can hardly host myself for a day. But goodness, wouldn't it be nice to strike up a meaningful conversation once in awhile?

Things I find myself talking about:

1. Work
2. Music
3. TV shows
4. News
5. Food
6. Movies
7. Ideas
8. God
9. Events
10. Material items

"I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help. I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness from the great assembly." - Psalm 40:10

If it ain't fixed, break it.

Whenever I think about hammers, a random song pops into my head that we learned for some reason in show choir in sixth grade. I have honestly never heard this song outside of that context, but several years later it haunts me on occasion. These are the words I remember:

If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening - all over this land

I'd hammer out danger, I'd hammer out warning

I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters

All over this land

Whatever that means.

That near last line gets me: "I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters." Although I'm not sure what kind of love Peter, Paul and Mary are referring to - whether it's the love that's all we need that the Beatles sing about or the love that's a drug that Ke$ha is so hung up on - I have this visual of destruction in my head.

To me, hammers can help build things. Take a nail, hit it on the head with a hammer, and just like that, you can have two somethings put together. But hammers can also tear things apart. You hit the wrong spot and there's a dent. The other end of the hammer can be used as a fulcrum to dismantle things. Plus, it would really hurt if you got hit in the head or thumb or foot...actually, any sort of contact with a forceful hammer would not feel very nice and leave quite the mark. 

In the situations that I find myself in, often a lot of them are reruns: the same people making the same mistakes, myself messing up in the same ways, history repeating itself. I know I can speak for myself when I say that a lot of times, in order to be better, I have to be broken first. Patching up things temporarily, granted, works temporarily, but in the long run it's just a weak foundation for whatever it is I'm trying to build.

Love is difficult like that. In order to change anything, something must be taken apart. Broken. Our Savior was broken, quite literally for Pete's sake and yours and mine. It was the only way to change the cycle we put ourselves in. To be better we have to rid our lives of the things that will make us fall:

"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." - John 15:2

So to me, to "hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters" kind of means to see what isn't fixed. If relationships aren't fixed, maybe they need to be broken and put back together the right way. 

These are some things that I have broken over the years without any intention, motive, reasoning or purpose:

1. Sunglasses
2. Hair barrettes
3. G2 pens
4. CD players (these really get to be something that your parents want to stop buying you for Christmas after, oh, the third or fourth year in a row)
5. My CD of Franz Ferdinand's You Could Have It So Much Better (again, the CD player's fault)
6. Cell phones
7. Lids of shampoo containers
8. Binders
9. Hair straighteners
10. My camera

I may need to be broken myself.

Planning behind

Sometimes, things don't go the way you planned them.

Yesterday, Homecoming week finally wrapped up and the music ministry group that I am a part of took a trip to play at a church service five hours away this weekend.

We left yesterday afternoon and returned early this evening. It was a great trip; us five girls got to bond together, we played our music, and shared some great stories. But I'll be honest: I didn't want to go on this trip.

I know what you're thinking: party pooper.

It's not that I didn't want to spend time with these ladies. They're fantastic and we're all unique and have different things to bring to the table. When it comes down to it, this trip just wasn't something that I wanted to add to my crazily scheduled week that is, thankfully, now behind me.

I'm not complaining here; the week ended up being great and pretty fun. I just hate the fact that I secretly (and sometimes not-so-secretly) dreaded it so much.

I planned on not looking forward to much of anything.

I, as a human being, plan. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love organization. Give me a planner (I'll take another just so I can fill it out), an Outlook calendar, an agenda to create, a fresh pack of G2 pens (which I just bought, actually) and I'll get this tingly feeling inside. I like to know what I'm doing and when, and then find out when I can squeeze whatever else into my schedule. But occasionally, what I think is going to happen and what I expect ends up being quite different in comparison to my original idea.

Here are some things that didn't go according to plan within the last week:

1. We didn't get the amount of space we requested for our Tailgate Party. Decisions had to be made on the fly in order to maximize the potential of the space we ended up with. What happened? It worked out fine.
2. We ended up cutting out a part of an event that was supposed to follow the pillow fight. What happened? We didn't have to clean up peanut butter-slathered people covered in feathers. Oh, and we can return the unopened peanut butter jars to the store. Refund!
3. We didn't have a soccer field where we could have intramural soccer. What happened? We moved it indoors after intramural basketball.
4. I stayed up later than I intended to a few nights this week.
5. The D-Now retreat at my church that I have been helping plan for the past, oh, long time got cancelled today. What happened? I'm sad and disappointed that not enough students signed up, but I know God has a reason behind it.
6. We had to cut a few of our songs short during the service today and create endings where we don't usually have them. What happened? We played less. No biggie. 
7. We left some of our equipment at school that we needed for the service, hygiene, and to avoid breaking the law. What happened? We made do with what we had and found substitutes for the things we still needed - and bought a new adapter for the trailer lights.
8. I had to rush to get some tasks done when I thought other people had them covered. What happened? I rushed to get some tasks done and everything went fine and I considered the extra work an excuse for coffee.
9. I forgot to eat several times this week. What happened? I felt pretty awful actually. I need to work on this.
10. I got stressed out a lot about what ended up to not be much at all. What happened? Well...I need to work on this, too. I am silly and worry about pretty much everything.

On my way driving back out to school yesterday, the song "Whatever" by Steven Curtis Chapman came up on shuffle on my iPod. This is an older song and it used to be one of my favorites to listen to. Right now, considering all of the things that I am trying to plan ahead for, like internship plans, what to do this summer, trips, saving money, career opportunities, LIFE - this song came at me in a new way. Highlights:

I made a list, wrote down from A to Z

Of all the ways I thought that You could best use me
Told all my strengths and my abilities
I formed a plan - it seemed to make good sense
I spelled it out for You so sure You'd be convinced
I made my case, presented my defense

But then I read the letter that You sent me
You said that all You really want from me is just
Whatever, whatever You say

Whatever - I will obey

Whatever - Lord, have Your way
'Cause You are my God - whatever

So strike a match, set fire to the list

Of all my good intentions, all my preconceived ideas

I want to do Your will no matter what it is

Give me faith to follow where You lead me
Oh, Lord, give me the courage and the strength to do

Whatever, whatever You say...

Yeah. I basically do that all the time - try to plan out what God wants me to do. Granted, sometimes it's big things and sometimes it's small things, but God has a way of shaking everything up, big and small. His ideas are always better than mine anyway. Why can't I just give it up? 

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'" - James 4:13-15

I will still have my planner and my to-do lists. I will still try to keep track of everything. But God sees the big picture in all of it - I should be able to trust him with that and enjoy (not dread) what he has in store for the ride.

And I'm feelin' good

I feel so light-hearted right now. I love it.

It's been a crazy busy week and it isn't over yet, but I feel so relieved right now. I think it's because I put on my rose-colored glasses.

Metaphorically speaking, I mean.

Here's another good-day list of good things:

1. I got to announce the winners of the spirit contest we held at school for Homecoming this week during our Chapel service today. It was fun to say that I appreciated them and that all the participants did a great job. I love encouraging people and a lot of times I don't take the time to do it. 
2. All of my homework is done for the week and that's just really nice.
3. The temperature dropped like, 20 degrees. I get excited about the cold.
4. I got to come home and see my family and puppy for a little bit before heading up to church to give a presentation to the high school youth group.
5. I think my presentation went really well. I felt more comfortable and it seemed like at least some of them listened to me.
6. I went to Starbucks today. Twice. Within a two-hour time frame. And got the same thing both times (soy no water chai with two pumps of cinnamon dolce) and they made it correctly and it was delicious and I want more.
7. My professor said that she's seen me grow to be better a lot over the past year and, well, that's good to hear.
8. One of the students in the youth group just sent me a message on Facebook and said that I did a good job talking tonight. I did talk a lot...
9. I got to see my boyfriend who I didn't think I would get to see for awhile. I helped him prepare for an interview tomorrow. I'm excited for him. I like being excited for people. 
10. When I arrived back to my dorm room, not too long ago actually, I opened the door and saw a pretty envelope on the ground with my name on it in glittery sticker letters. I opened the envelope and inside was a gift card to our campus coffee house and a card that said "Be Blessed" in more glittery sticker letters. And you know what? I am blessed. It caught me off guard and I really want to thank whoever did this. 

I am spoiled. To me there is spoiled and then there is spoiled. I am spoiled in the fact that I have everything I ever need and then some. God has given me so many things and so many experiences that I would never have thought I would want. I wouldn't trade any of it, not even my mistakes and mishaps, because then I wouldn't be where I am right now.

My friend told me today that I don't accept compliments very well. She was joking, but only a little. I don't know what to say in response. I do this thing where I say "Thank you" and then put my head down and scurry away. Yes, scurry. I am intentionally awkward to avoid awkwardness.

It makes sense to me.

When it comes to being blessed, I am learning to be more useful with my blessings. Those talents I have that I have a hard time accepting at times? I'm trying to be outgoing with them and use them in a way that brings glory to God instead of worrying about "rejection" and what other people think so much. As long as God thinks highly, I should be okay with that.

I've learned that being thankful sometimes entails more than just saying "I'm thankful" and feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Being thankful requires some action, too, I think. If I say I'm thankful for the gift to draw but never draw, what good is that?

So, yes, I am thankful. You, person who left this envelope under my door, have encouraged me. I want to encourage people more because I like doing it. It certainly can't hurt, can it?

Half-note, half-note, whole rest

In my silly little brain, I've drawn a fine line between laziness and resting.

That was dumb.

Anytime I rest, whether it is a nap or watching an episode of "The Big Bang Theory" on DVD, or just sitting somewhere for crying out loud, I have this mental glitch that tells me that I am being lazy and unproductive. No matter how much I enjoy this time of rest, this underlying guilty vibe comes back to say, "And what did you accomplish in the past 20 minutes? Hmm?"

Yes, I do this to myself. I stress myself out, make myself anxious about silly things, and worry that someone is going to think less of me if I am found reading Sherlock Holmes instead of the theology books I should be reading for class. In fact, I have this spoken rule ("spoken" only because I have, in fact, said it out loud several times) that I will not read for leisure unless I have finished all the reading I need to have completed for class.

It's lame.

So here I am, taking a break from homework after another long day, awake much later than I would like to be. I feel bad that I took a nap earlier - but boy, did I need that.

Again, I believe this task-oriented, time-restricted mindset I've developed essentially controls me. It determines when I sleep, when I do work, when I eat, when I can watch TV, when I can do this or that. And I find myself constantly looking for that next time when I can just rest.

I am one of those people who never stops until it's all finished. I don't procrastinate - sometimes things get pushed back, but only because more things have taken the place of those things. Time must be spared and made the most of! I am a woman of to-do lists, agendas, planners, and routine.

Oh, and a woman of God. Yeah, that too.

So I took a nap earlier. Judge me. I'm still working on homework. Call me lazy. The fact is, I need to learn not to care. God wants us to rest every once in awhile! He spent six days creating oh, you know, the universe and took an entire day to rest. He commands us to observe the Sabbath, whatever that means anymore (sarcasm sign - that's for all you BBT fans out there) and what do we do? We work harder.

If we can find joy in a time of rest, and I mean legit joy, this is good. I daresay more of us find ourselves too infatuated with doing to seek the full enjoyment of not doing.

"He says, 'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'" - Psalm 46:10

He's got it covered. He's got our high notes and low notes; the melodies when we sing alone and the harmonies when we sing together; but for Pete's sake, rest every once in awhile. If everyone played at the same time, the music would be flat and loud and dull. I need to work on letting God fill in instead of trying to do it all myself.

Things I like doing in that precious thing called "spare time":

1. Drawing
2. Watching TV or a movie
3. Sleeping
4. Writing
5. Looking at photos
6. Reading
7. Listening to music
8. Playing Wii
9. Playing music
10. Pondering

Light as a feather

The craziest scheduled day of Homecoming week was today. There were events that practically filled the entire day I needed to be at, on top of, you know, actual classes.

Because I'm paying money to take classes here, I mean.

Being a part of planning and executing events is a lot of work. This is no surprise to me; I've been doing this to some extent for a long time. But in most ways, today was easier than I thought it was going to be.

There were certainly some frustrations. There was certainly some confusion. There was certainly some problem-solving. To me, though, it all comes down to the outcome.

One of our events was a pillow fight. Yes, a pillow fight with feather-filled pillows with college kids. I watched, and honestly, it was fun to watch (even though there was no real winner). It was our last event of this crazy day and we were graciously granted the glorious task of clean-up.

All. Those. Feathers.

This is a photo of the Beatles. Look at them. Look what fun they're having. Look how clean it is.

Do you see any feathers in this picture? I don't.

Tonight, there were feathers absolutely everywhere. They coated the tarp over the gym floor that participants used as a playing field, they were strewn up the stairs, they were in my shoes and up my nose.

But at the end of it all, one of the people who had been involved in the events all day came up to me and said that he had had a great time. He was exhausted (and not surprisingly) but he had a lot of fun.

That was good enough for me.

As long of a day as it was, as much as I could have let get to me, I found joy today. I am at peace right now. God is so good and has surrounded me with people who are in the same boat as me. My professor referenced a verse today that I thought of differently:

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17

We have each other to rely on, to get mad at, to laugh with, to share feelings with - to be a part of each other's lives. We can learn from each other and grow and comfort one another. I relied on God today to get me through the busyness and I found joy in the people surrounding me.

There will always be fights and feathers to pick up afterward, but when it comes to learning from it and finding joy in the end - I'm game.

Enjoyable things about today:

1. Free coffee drinks
2. Chilly weather
3. Sunshine
4. My night class 
5. People enjoying things I was originally worried people wouldn't enjoy
6. Enthusiasm
7. Downtime, even if it is really late
8. Peaches and cream oatmeal, even if it is the only thing I have really eaten today
9. A professor's humorous sarcasm
10. Reminders from Scripture

Being fruity

Fruit is yummy. It is delicious, sweet, good for you, juicy and pretty. I'm glad Paul picked it (pun intended) to use as an illustration of what the Spirit should look like at work in our lives.

As I mentioned yesterday, fruit is necessary. Those vitamins don't come in French fries and hamburgers or tacos and Chinese food.

That's quite a disgusting combination, actually.

Just eating one orange made me feel better. And it was because I hadn't had one in a long time. It's easy to settle for the "junk food" of our life - whatever we can grab, whatever is quick, whatever we can shove down our throats as fast as we can. Food, I mean. But this metaphor applies to the "things" we put our trust in: music, TV shows, other people, food (literally), work - whatever we can distract ourselves with.

Thinking about the fruit of the Spirit all at once can admittedly be a mouthful. There are some big difficult words that are not easy to tackle individually, let alone among others:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22

In other words, you can't go wrong with these things. Sure, you can make mistakes, but when it all comes back to these traits and God is glorified, we can rest assured that our fruit is ripe.

Last spring, I led a small group for middle school girls at my church. We went through different studies and worked on applying Scripture to our everyday lives. Frankly, I learned a lot from it myself. The fruit of the Spirit kept coming back to me. We broke it down and focused on one "fruit" each week. It's so hard to be loving, joyful, full of peace, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle and have self-control at any given time. This summer and spring was no piece of cake for me myself. But looking at how I could take a bite out of these fruit, if only one or a few at a time on occasion, made me realize a mere glimpse of how God intended for our lives to be lived out.

So, this crazy week packed with Homecoming events at school amidst homework and relationships and work-work, I'm going to try to be some of these fruit. And also eat some along the way.

Fruity-ish snacks I enjoy:

1. Snapple peach tea
2. "Phineas and Ferb" fruit snacks
3. Special K strawberries and cream cereal bars
4. Blueberry muffins
5. Chocolate-covered strawberries
6. Peaches and cream oatmeal
7. Grape soda
8. Cranberry Splash Sierra Mist
9. Apple cider
10. Pineapple pizza

I thought it would be lame if I had a list of my favorite actual fruits (which I do actually have. Favorite fruits, I mean.) For real - who does that?

Trick or peace

What is it about oranges that almost instantly makes you feel at least a little better when you are otherwise feeling ill? It is my mom's answer to recovery.

I've concluded that I'm not getting enough vitamins.

I mean, I love fall - it's  my favorite season - but the fact is, I always get sick at this time, like clockwork. Sometime between November and the end of December, I become ill. No prevention or anything seems to stop it. I have deemed it a curse.

Aside from not getting enough vitamins (no thanks to cafeteria food), I also think that illness is triggered by the upshot leap in busyness. Let's face it: the holiday season is the busiest time of year. Concerts, plays, finals, work - everything is added to the to-do list times 42. Last year, "Christmas break" was like "don't-go-to-school-but-let-work-suck-the-life-out-of-you-instead" for three weeks. And every fine arts group has to put on some sort of program. And church has to have at least three Christmas-related services. And finals...of course, right before that precious Christmas break.

Anyway, to me, Halloween marks the beginning of the madness. I stopped caring about the festivities involved with this particular holiday years ago. I just eat leftover candy, and not even that much.

While at church this morning, amidst my subconscious worrying about the weeks to come and preparing for Homecoming week at my school this week, a phrase in a song struck me differently. I hadn't really heard it before for some reason, even though we sing this song pretty often:

"He brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness - this is our God..."

And after I got over the fact that it sometimes sounded like "argyle" when we sang the phrase "our God", I realized that whole peace thing applies now - not just when I think about it. It takes a lot to calm ourselves down sometimes and to stop being anxious and worrisome, but God blesses us with peace in ways we don't expect it. Like during this song, for example. I was thinking about how I was going to get preparation for all of these different events completed and finish homework and eat and sleep and remain sane...when God forced me to stop during this time of worship, so that I could actually, you know, worship him.

I was pretty floored.

Another reminder of peace came to me in an e-mail from my boss this afternoon:

"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Funny how God tends to work like that.

Ten Halloween costumes I remember that I've had:

1. A clown
2. A mad scientist
3. Gene Kelly in "Singin' in the Rain" (twice)
4. Mark McGwire
5. Sleeping Beauty
6. Sherlock Holmes
7. Snow White
8. Pocahontas
9. A Cubs fan with a "Kick Me" sign on my back (it was worth it)
10. The pink Power Ranger

This year, I decided to be me. In other words, I forgot it was Halloween.

Peace out.

When birthday cards don't cut it

Things that remind me of my Grandma:

1. Barbies
2. Juicy Fruit gum
3. Iced tea
4. The Gaithers
5. Country music
6. Soap operas
7. Coconut cream pie, banana pudding, chili, steak and mashed potatoes and carrots, corn bread and other foods she made all the time
8. "Regis and Kathie Lee/Kelly"
9. "The Price is Right"
10. Holidays

Happy birthday, Grandma. I miss you like nothing else.

Difficult times really do bring people together. Today, when I walked into my cousin and his wife's home with the rest of my family to meet with some other cousins and aunt and uncle, I felt that comfort. I knew that because of such a sad time we went through when my grandma passed away, we were gathered when we wouldn't normally be to celebrate the day of her birth. Because of the difficulty and hard decisions we faced, we have spent more time together than we ever have. What a blessing. I know that God is working in my family and challenging us to grow as individuals as well.

And you better believe there was cake.

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"We're only tryin' to get us some peace..."

This is my image of the day:

Someday I will sit down and draw it. 

Until then, this behind of mine will remain in high gear, racing to this unknown finish line. I'm starting to think this finish line is, in fact, imaginary. I don't know anyone who has reached it. 

Lies, I tell you. It's all lies.

I am encouraged by this: somewhere right around a year ago, a friend of mine left me a note with only these words: 

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

These words make up John 16:33. I hadn't taken note of them before reading them in this much-needed reminder that, well, life is pretty lame sometimes. But Jesus already beat all of the lame stuff and that is all we need. He takes care of it all! When I'm tired, like now, physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually fending off attacks from myself and other distractions that Satan likes to beat me with, I absolutely have to remember that God is working in it and that he has already saved me. This doesn't mean I give up, but because of this truth, I can press on without doubt that this same God who conquers all evil loves me.

Frankly, I think that's pretty cool.

"...that in me you may have peace." Although I think John Lennon had a different concept of the word "peace", I think he was hungry for the same kind God provides. Just thinking the word "peace" leaves me serene, if only for a second. I'll take that one second over none at all.

These are other things that make me think of peace:

1. Sleeping
2. Coldplay
3. Gulf Shores
4. Flying in an airplane at night, even if your iPod has to be turned up as high as it goes for full effect in order to drown out the semi-obnoxious people surrounding you
5. Apple cider
6. Reading
7. Crickets
8. Bending over backwards flat on your back on an exercise ball - not necessarily the getting up part, but the rest of it
9. Candles
10. Massages (I've never really had one, but it's nice to think about)

Pray for peace. I need to more and to accept the joy God provides in seeking it out.

Oh, and "peace and blessings."

"I just don't think I can handle that kind of rejection."

The date Monday, October 25, 2010, marked 25 years to the day since Marty McFly traveled back in time in a DeLorean.

I am grateful that AMC Theaters chose to commemorate this occasion by re-releasing the film on the big screen. I totally went. And it was so cool. I've seen this movie a kajillion times and my sister actually shushed me (which is usually the other way around) when I kept quoting the lines. One of my favorites is one that both Marty and his dad say: "I just don't think I can handle that kind of rejection." Marty says it when told he should send in his cassette tape (yes, cassette tape) to the record company, and when George (his dad) is told he should share his science fiction stories.

Looking back on my first post, I realized I feel the same way. I say to myself, "Well, I might be good at this, but if I'm not or if someone's better...I just don't think I can handle that kind of rejection."

I worry a lot, and this is where that all stems from. We aim to please, to impress, to make our mark. I mean, Marty went back to the past and changed his present, for crying out loud, even though Huey Lewis told him that he was "just too darn loud" in his band audition to play at the school dance. So what am I going to do?

Anyway, here's a list of my favorite things about Back to the Future (Part One):

1. Christopher Lloyd
2. The Huey Lewis and the News songs
3. All the advertisements, especially the ones for things that don't exist anymore
4. When Marty blows the giant amplifier out and goes flying into the shelf
5. When Doc dances around in the street on one leg after Marty goes back to the future/present
6. When George laughs 
7. When George dramatically slams his hand on the counter in the soda shop and says "Lou, give me a milk - chocolate."
8. The blowdryer on Marty's belt when he's dressed in the radiation suit to convince George that Darth Vader wants him to date Lorraine 
9. "If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles an hour, you're going to see some serious --"
10. When Doc shouts "One point 21 jigowatts!"

I should probably stop worrying about rejection, huh? God provided me with gifts and talents and perspectives; if I'm not using them, what good are they?

Good as, well, as if I never had them.

Not about numbers

Sometime, I'll get the hang of living. 

Lately, you know, after my conscious state developed into this awareness of how life really works - basically after graduating high school - I've come to realize many things. Like:

1. Not everyone has the same thought process as you. As in, they just don't understand the same things you do, such as music taste, morals, humor, beliefs and Katy Perry.
2. Neverland does not exist, much to my dismay.
3. People do care what you look like.
4. Not everyone is a winner.
5. When that red light comes on in your car, you should really get it in to the shop. Or at least ask your dad what it means first.
6. Stores and companies really just want your money, even if you work for them.
7. When someone asks for your help once, they'll keep asking you, especially if you lend them money.
8. Basically the world revolves around money.
9. People die. And they don't come back.
10. It really is a small world after all. Too small, at times.

Granted, I've learned many more things, too, things that are more specific. But when it comes down to where I am right now and avoiding making the same mistakes over and over again, which I still tend to do, I can look at specific instances that have affected me and molded me to be who I am now.

I can safely say that although I am the same person, I have changed a lot since I've come to college. I was talking with a friend of mine today about what could/would happen after graduation rolls around. Obviously, we've both been through the graduation thing before in high school, but to me it's different in college. You can choose whether you stick around or whether you go some place totally different in the world.

My friend told me that he can think of two or three people from school who he might stay in touch with after he graduates. He has several acquaintances and people who he likes hanging out with, but that quality, I-need-someone-to-talk-to time doesn't come from those people, but from these two or three people with whom he has true relationships.

This is something I've pondered about before. I've learned a lot in situations I had no control over and from my own faults, but I've also learned a lot from other people. Even if there are only two or three people who I can say have helped shape me to grow in my relationship with Christ as my own person, I think I can manage to be okay with that. This world teaches us that we need all the friends we can get and we have to sink our teeth into everything we can. But to me, that isn't being intentional. 

Oh, intentionality. You're so difficult.

So, I'll be thinking about those close to me, my "two or three" if you will. I'll be praying for them and continuing my relationships with them. But if I can learn from others and, hey, teach others, too - even if that means stepping out of my comfort zone - I'm going to work on that also. 

Savoring what's left of fall break

Fall break is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. To celebrate, here's a list of things that remind me of fall:

1. "The Beautiful Letdown" album by Switchfoot
2. Dan in Real Life
   
3. The Pumpkin Spice latte
4. MLB playoffs
5. High school football games
6. A Hard Day's Night
7. Twilight
8. "Forget and Not Slow Down" album by Relient K
9. Sherlock Holmes
10. Apple crisp

Also, the marching band festival was great. The band placed fourth in their division out of 12 bands and they were the smallest band in the entire competition. I was impressed and excited - and exhausted. It was a very long day with a lot of crazy kids and crazier parents. And, aside from an odd Starbucks encounter, a prolonged hunt for non-concession stand food, an even longer search for a pregnant lady, wiping gravel dust off Dinkles and getting locked out of our house, everything went pretty smoothly.

In conclusion, I would like to share that I think my dreams may be set in some obscure TV show time warp. Last night I dreamed that Milo Ventimiglia and Taylor Lautner were superheroes competing for my fancy. I'd like to tell you which one won it but I wouldn't know. Also, I think Jim Parsons was involved to some extent, thrown into the mix of random people I actually know.

I turned on the TV first thing this morning and Gilmore Girls was on. Milo happened to be a key player in this episode. I don't know what to make of it, but I'm not worried. :)

Band on the Run

I'm a little obsessed with high school marching band right now. And, well, so is the rest of my family.

My sister is in band at her high school - and absolutely loves it. Since July, when band camp started, she's been talking practically nonstop about it. Since mid-September, our weekends have been consumed with some element of marching band, whether it's a festival, a football game, and/or preparing for a festival or football game. My mom is very involved with the band boosters and got herself elected treasurer last year, meaning we all help out with everything. My whole family is a family that pitches in with whatever we can. Sometimes - okay, always - we pitch in till we can't anymore. My dad helps with absolutely everything, too. And me? I get right in the middle of it and I love it.

I spent my first full day of fall break with my mom like this: got up early and worked out, cleaned up, ran some errands for band, ate lunch, ran more errands for band, ironed the sashes for the band uniforms and covered their colorful plumes for the big "reveal" during the show. After a rushed dinner, we booked it back up to the high school to get everyone in uniform and everything set. After the game, I helped iron the sashes again and make sure everything was good to go.

It helps when the football team is undefeated.

Tonight, we enjoyed a great game, the last home game of the regular season. The band played well, their visuals and tricks literally up their sleeve still give me the chills, and their sound just keeps improving. Tomorrow is their last festival this year and it's a big one, held at the football stadium downtown. The best bands are invited here to compete, and although my sister's high school is less than five years old, this is their first time in this festival. I am stoked.

It's been so fun helping out these past few months: prepping for games and festivals, blow-drying plumes with a hairdryer after getting stuck in the rain for the Homecoming parade, snapping photos, tucking in sashes, grabbing gloves and socks that someone forgot. I love it all.

But again, this whole perspective thing comes into play; it's like I've been seeing everything differently. I see people, band members and band parents, and wonder what they're struggling with. I hope that the way I act toward them and what I say and do can point them in a positive direction. If they know Christ, I hope to encourage them to continue to pursue him in their life, in some small way. If they don't, I hope to show a love that they have never seen before. I hope to help.

This giving-your-life-away thing isn't easy and is certainly uncertain. I'm looking for a way to do that tomorrow. It will be a long and crazy day (6:30 a.m. - somewhere around 11:30 p.m.), but I don't want to lose sight of opportunities to "be love" in the craziness, especially amidst a band seemingly always on the run.

Pink, pumpkin lattes, and prodding

I woke up today and knew it was going to be a good day. And you know something? It was. Here's why:

1. I had the chance to sleep in, so I did.
2. All my homework was finished.
3. It was the last day of classes before fall break.
4. In the girls' dorm Tuesday night, we had a breast cancer awareness party. The resident director bought a bunch of pink t-shirts and we all got to decorate one with Puff paint. Today we were all going to wear them and get our picture taken together before Chapel. Plus I got to wear the striped pink socks I won in a raffle Tuesday. We won't talk about the glitter Puff paint that I got on my moccasins - which, by the way, I wore anyway today.
5. I got compliments on my shirt, which had some messed up spots, so that made me feel good that it wasn't as bad as I thought.
6. Chapel was good. One of the students rapped his way through the Gospel as a humble example of Christ's love; another shared his personal testimony; and an illusionist, although he only performed one trick, spoke on an interesting point of how our perspective changes when we come to know Christ. Made me think.
7. I got to see people excited and happy instead of dealing with a few who might have been hurt and frustrated.
8. I spent some time this afternoon with a good friend of mine and other friends who stopped by our table in the campus coffeehouse. I laughed a lot, had a pumpkin spice latte, and shared time with excellent people.
9. We had a makeover session during one of my classes today. There are only four of us in the class, we're all girls, and we're all anchors for the campus news broadcast, so my professor thought it would be neat if a Bare Escentuals representative could come and give us some tips on make-up. Not gonna lie - those HD cameras we have are brutal, and I am very pale and prone to stress breakouts. I took any help I could get. Also there was a goody bag.
10. My last class of the day let out early. I was definitely okay with that.
11. I got to come home and spend time with my family.
12. When I was unloading my car when I got home, I turned and saw an older lady who lives a few doors down hobbling down her driveway with her walker to get her mail from her mailbox. It broke me apart. She made me think of my grandma, who passed away this summer, and who was and always will be one of my favorite people. She meant and still means the world to me; I think about her all the time. Lately I've been overwhelmed with this prodding feeling, like a push, telling me to do something I wouldn't normally do. Granted, I think about doing or saying a lot of things that can really only help someone out. When I ignore this prodding, I deeply regret it and my heart sinks. Loaded down like a Sherpa with all the bags I was carrying, I fought back tears walking up my own driveway and trying to interpret this "feeling" this time. My puppy greeted me enthusiastically, I dropped off my stuff, and then I found my mom and asked her if we could make dinner for the lady down the street.

Honestly, this was the best part of my day. All the other things stopped mattering. The student who rapped during Chapel kept putting emphasis on giving your life away for Jesus. I've been trying to see past myself and all the tasks I set before myself and see instead how I can encourage others and, again, do or say those things that I only think about doing or saying. I realize that I have the Holy Spirit with me, and I know that these pushes that I have been getting lately are because I have asked the Spirit to show me opportunities to share and help. It is always so amazing when I respond to it.

My mom and I walked down to drop off spaghetti at the lady's house. Her husband is in a nursing home struggling with Alzheimer's and battling cancer simultaneously. She is still recovering from a fall that broke her hip this summer. She was very kind and we talked to her for probably 20 minutes, just standing in her doorway. The experiences shared and this time spent was incredible to me.

Normally, I just would have thought, "Oh, that would be nice if we brought her brownies or something" and kept walking in to my own home, not phased at all, and sat down and played Beatles Rock Band like I was planning on doing. But God is working in my life and in the lives of his followers to push them to do things that they wouldn't normally do. We are given the Spirit to help us see how to "give our life away for Christ" and to see things with a new perspective.

I'm wondering what the prodding will be next time. Pray that I'll respond to it.

Once upon a time, you had to grow up.

Here's the deal: I like writing. I do. Ever since I started reading chapter books in kindergarten, I wanted to be an author or a writer to some extent. When I wasn't pretending I was a meteorologist, standing next to a wall with the weather section taped up, I was reading out loud the stories in the paper. I would provide voices for the characters in the Baby-Sitters Club books and Harry Potter (I liked pretending I had a British accent) or Harriet the Spy or whatever I could find and stay in my room for hours just reading. Then I started writing my own stories, since, you know, elementary schools are so gung-ho on wringing any and all creativity out of children. I wrote stories on the computer or even the typewriter about detectives and people living in space and a girl who had dreams that came true in the future.

And the silly part is, people read my stories. It was odd to me, that anyone other than myself should read what I was writing. It was a party that remained in my brain and was out on paper for my sake. Which, several years later, leads me to this. I'd say the only main reason I didn't have a blog until now is because I don't understand why anyone would want to read what I'm writing. And, shucks, maybe nobody does. Want to read this, I mean. But either way, this is here now. So anyway...

Now, I'm a junior at a university, where it does, in fact, actually matter what you want to be when you grow up. I am a Communications major, taking the Public Relations track, and am involved in our online student newspaper that just launched this semester. It's a blast. I can edit, write stories about events and topics, take photos, utilize ideas - all the good stuff I like to do. Of course, it's a lot of work but I sure do enjoy it. I feel as though this whole experience is pulling me in the right direction, even if it isn't what I think it is.

I also am pulled toward ministry. I love Jesus and I am always working on loving him and his people - you know, the population of the rest of the planet...yes, those people. If I can write and somehow benefit the kingdom of God, maybe that's where he wants me to be. I'd be okay with that.

Alas, whether someone other than myself reads this or not, let's have a fun time here. Who has time to waste, really?