Trick or peace

What is it about oranges that almost instantly makes you feel at least a little better when you are otherwise feeling ill? It is my mom's answer to recovery.

I've concluded that I'm not getting enough vitamins.

I mean, I love fall - it's  my favorite season - but the fact is, I always get sick at this time, like clockwork. Sometime between November and the end of December, I become ill. No prevention or anything seems to stop it. I have deemed it a curse.

Aside from not getting enough vitamins (no thanks to cafeteria food), I also think that illness is triggered by the upshot leap in busyness. Let's face it: the holiday season is the busiest time of year. Concerts, plays, finals, work - everything is added to the to-do list times 42. Last year, "Christmas break" was like "don't-go-to-school-but-let-work-suck-the-life-out-of-you-instead" for three weeks. And every fine arts group has to put on some sort of program. And church has to have at least three Christmas-related services. And finals...of course, right before that precious Christmas break.

Anyway, to me, Halloween marks the beginning of the madness. I stopped caring about the festivities involved with this particular holiday years ago. I just eat leftover candy, and not even that much.

While at church this morning, amidst my subconscious worrying about the weeks to come and preparing for Homecoming week at my school this week, a phrase in a song struck me differently. I hadn't really heard it before for some reason, even though we sing this song pretty often:

"He brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness - this is our God..."

And after I got over the fact that it sometimes sounded like "argyle" when we sang the phrase "our God", I realized that whole peace thing applies now - not just when I think about it. It takes a lot to calm ourselves down sometimes and to stop being anxious and worrisome, but God blesses us with peace in ways we don't expect it. Like during this song, for example. I was thinking about how I was going to get preparation for all of these different events completed and finish homework and eat and sleep and remain sane...when God forced me to stop during this time of worship, so that I could actually, you know, worship him.

I was pretty floored.

Another reminder of peace came to me in an e-mail from my boss this afternoon:

"Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Funny how God tends to work like that.

Ten Halloween costumes I remember that I've had:

1. A clown
2. A mad scientist
3. Gene Kelly in "Singin' in the Rain" (twice)
4. Mark McGwire
5. Sleeping Beauty
6. Sherlock Holmes
7. Snow White
8. Pocahontas
9. A Cubs fan with a "Kick Me" sign on my back (it was worth it)
10. The pink Power Ranger

This year, I decided to be me. In other words, I forgot it was Halloween.

Peace out.

When birthday cards don't cut it

Things that remind me of my Grandma:

1. Barbies
2. Juicy Fruit gum
3. Iced tea
4. The Gaithers
5. Country music
6. Soap operas
7. Coconut cream pie, banana pudding, chili, steak and mashed potatoes and carrots, corn bread and other foods she made all the time
8. "Regis and Kathie Lee/Kelly"
9. "The Price is Right"
10. Holidays

Happy birthday, Grandma. I miss you like nothing else.

Difficult times really do bring people together. Today, when I walked into my cousin and his wife's home with the rest of my family to meet with some other cousins and aunt and uncle, I felt that comfort. I knew that because of such a sad time we went through when my grandma passed away, we were gathered when we wouldn't normally be to celebrate the day of her birth. Because of the difficulty and hard decisions we faced, we have spent more time together than we ever have. What a blessing. I know that God is working in my family and challenging us to grow as individuals as well.

And you better believe there was cake.

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"We're only tryin' to get us some peace..."

This is my image of the day:

Someday I will sit down and draw it. 

Until then, this behind of mine will remain in high gear, racing to this unknown finish line. I'm starting to think this finish line is, in fact, imaginary. I don't know anyone who has reached it. 

Lies, I tell you. It's all lies.

I am encouraged by this: somewhere right around a year ago, a friend of mine left me a note with only these words: 

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

These words make up John 16:33. I hadn't taken note of them before reading them in this much-needed reminder that, well, life is pretty lame sometimes. But Jesus already beat all of the lame stuff and that is all we need. He takes care of it all! When I'm tired, like now, physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually fending off attacks from myself and other distractions that Satan likes to beat me with, I absolutely have to remember that God is working in it and that he has already saved me. This doesn't mean I give up, but because of this truth, I can press on without doubt that this same God who conquers all evil loves me.

Frankly, I think that's pretty cool.

"...that in me you may have peace." Although I think John Lennon had a different concept of the word "peace", I think he was hungry for the same kind God provides. Just thinking the word "peace" leaves me serene, if only for a second. I'll take that one second over none at all.

These are other things that make me think of peace:

1. Sleeping
2. Coldplay
3. Gulf Shores
4. Flying in an airplane at night, even if your iPod has to be turned up as high as it goes for full effect in order to drown out the semi-obnoxious people surrounding you
5. Apple cider
6. Reading
7. Crickets
8. Bending over backwards flat on your back on an exercise ball - not necessarily the getting up part, but the rest of it
9. Candles
10. Massages (I've never really had one, but it's nice to think about)

Pray for peace. I need to more and to accept the joy God provides in seeking it out.

Oh, and "peace and blessings."

"I just don't think I can handle that kind of rejection."

The date Monday, October 25, 2010, marked 25 years to the day since Marty McFly traveled back in time in a DeLorean.

I am grateful that AMC Theaters chose to commemorate this occasion by re-releasing the film on the big screen. I totally went. And it was so cool. I've seen this movie a kajillion times and my sister actually shushed me (which is usually the other way around) when I kept quoting the lines. One of my favorites is one that both Marty and his dad say: "I just don't think I can handle that kind of rejection." Marty says it when told he should send in his cassette tape (yes, cassette tape) to the record company, and when George (his dad) is told he should share his science fiction stories.

Looking back on my first post, I realized I feel the same way. I say to myself, "Well, I might be good at this, but if I'm not or if someone's better...I just don't think I can handle that kind of rejection."

I worry a lot, and this is where that all stems from. We aim to please, to impress, to make our mark. I mean, Marty went back to the past and changed his present, for crying out loud, even though Huey Lewis told him that he was "just too darn loud" in his band audition to play at the school dance. So what am I going to do?

Anyway, here's a list of my favorite things about Back to the Future (Part One):

1. Christopher Lloyd
2. The Huey Lewis and the News songs
3. All the advertisements, especially the ones for things that don't exist anymore
4. When Marty blows the giant amplifier out and goes flying into the shelf
5. When Doc dances around in the street on one leg after Marty goes back to the future/present
6. When George laughs 
7. When George dramatically slams his hand on the counter in the soda shop and says "Lou, give me a milk - chocolate."
8. The blowdryer on Marty's belt when he's dressed in the radiation suit to convince George that Darth Vader wants him to date Lorraine 
9. "If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles an hour, you're going to see some serious --"
10. When Doc shouts "One point 21 jigowatts!"

I should probably stop worrying about rejection, huh? God provided me with gifts and talents and perspectives; if I'm not using them, what good are they?

Good as, well, as if I never had them.

Not about numbers

Sometime, I'll get the hang of living. 

Lately, you know, after my conscious state developed into this awareness of how life really works - basically after graduating high school - I've come to realize many things. Like:

1. Not everyone has the same thought process as you. As in, they just don't understand the same things you do, such as music taste, morals, humor, beliefs and Katy Perry.
2. Neverland does not exist, much to my dismay.
3. People do care what you look like.
4. Not everyone is a winner.
5. When that red light comes on in your car, you should really get it in to the shop. Or at least ask your dad what it means first.
6. Stores and companies really just want your money, even if you work for them.
7. When someone asks for your help once, they'll keep asking you, especially if you lend them money.
8. Basically the world revolves around money.
9. People die. And they don't come back.
10. It really is a small world after all. Too small, at times.

Granted, I've learned many more things, too, things that are more specific. But when it comes down to where I am right now and avoiding making the same mistakes over and over again, which I still tend to do, I can look at specific instances that have affected me and molded me to be who I am now.

I can safely say that although I am the same person, I have changed a lot since I've come to college. I was talking with a friend of mine today about what could/would happen after graduation rolls around. Obviously, we've both been through the graduation thing before in high school, but to me it's different in college. You can choose whether you stick around or whether you go some place totally different in the world.

My friend told me that he can think of two or three people from school who he might stay in touch with after he graduates. He has several acquaintances and people who he likes hanging out with, but that quality, I-need-someone-to-talk-to time doesn't come from those people, but from these two or three people with whom he has true relationships.

This is something I've pondered about before. I've learned a lot in situations I had no control over and from my own faults, but I've also learned a lot from other people. Even if there are only two or three people who I can say have helped shape me to grow in my relationship with Christ as my own person, I think I can manage to be okay with that. This world teaches us that we need all the friends we can get and we have to sink our teeth into everything we can. But to me, that isn't being intentional. 

Oh, intentionality. You're so difficult.

So, I'll be thinking about those close to me, my "two or three" if you will. I'll be praying for them and continuing my relationships with them. But if I can learn from others and, hey, teach others, too - even if that means stepping out of my comfort zone - I'm going to work on that also. 

Savoring what's left of fall break

Fall break is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. To celebrate, here's a list of things that remind me of fall:

1. "The Beautiful Letdown" album by Switchfoot
2. Dan in Real Life
   
3. The Pumpkin Spice latte
4. MLB playoffs
5. High school football games
6. A Hard Day's Night
7. Twilight
8. "Forget and Not Slow Down" album by Relient K
9. Sherlock Holmes
10. Apple crisp

Also, the marching band festival was great. The band placed fourth in their division out of 12 bands and they were the smallest band in the entire competition. I was impressed and excited - and exhausted. It was a very long day with a lot of crazy kids and crazier parents. And, aside from an odd Starbucks encounter, a prolonged hunt for non-concession stand food, an even longer search for a pregnant lady, wiping gravel dust off Dinkles and getting locked out of our house, everything went pretty smoothly.

In conclusion, I would like to share that I think my dreams may be set in some obscure TV show time warp. Last night I dreamed that Milo Ventimiglia and Taylor Lautner were superheroes competing for my fancy. I'd like to tell you which one won it but I wouldn't know. Also, I think Jim Parsons was involved to some extent, thrown into the mix of random people I actually know.

I turned on the TV first thing this morning and Gilmore Girls was on. Milo happened to be a key player in this episode. I don't know what to make of it, but I'm not worried. :)

Band on the Run

I'm a little obsessed with high school marching band right now. And, well, so is the rest of my family.

My sister is in band at her high school - and absolutely loves it. Since July, when band camp started, she's been talking practically nonstop about it. Since mid-September, our weekends have been consumed with some element of marching band, whether it's a festival, a football game, and/or preparing for a festival or football game. My mom is very involved with the band boosters and got herself elected treasurer last year, meaning we all help out with everything. My whole family is a family that pitches in with whatever we can. Sometimes - okay, always - we pitch in till we can't anymore. My dad helps with absolutely everything, too. And me? I get right in the middle of it and I love it.

I spent my first full day of fall break with my mom like this: got up early and worked out, cleaned up, ran some errands for band, ate lunch, ran more errands for band, ironed the sashes for the band uniforms and covered their colorful plumes for the big "reveal" during the show. After a rushed dinner, we booked it back up to the high school to get everyone in uniform and everything set. After the game, I helped iron the sashes again and make sure everything was good to go.

It helps when the football team is undefeated.

Tonight, we enjoyed a great game, the last home game of the regular season. The band played well, their visuals and tricks literally up their sleeve still give me the chills, and their sound just keeps improving. Tomorrow is their last festival this year and it's a big one, held at the football stadium downtown. The best bands are invited here to compete, and although my sister's high school is less than five years old, this is their first time in this festival. I am stoked.

It's been so fun helping out these past few months: prepping for games and festivals, blow-drying plumes with a hairdryer after getting stuck in the rain for the Homecoming parade, snapping photos, tucking in sashes, grabbing gloves and socks that someone forgot. I love it all.

But again, this whole perspective thing comes into play; it's like I've been seeing everything differently. I see people, band members and band parents, and wonder what they're struggling with. I hope that the way I act toward them and what I say and do can point them in a positive direction. If they know Christ, I hope to encourage them to continue to pursue him in their life, in some small way. If they don't, I hope to show a love that they have never seen before. I hope to help.

This giving-your-life-away thing isn't easy and is certainly uncertain. I'm looking for a way to do that tomorrow. It will be a long and crazy day (6:30 a.m. - somewhere around 11:30 p.m.), but I don't want to lose sight of opportunities to "be love" in the craziness, especially amidst a band seemingly always on the run.

Pink, pumpkin lattes, and prodding

I woke up today and knew it was going to be a good day. And you know something? It was. Here's why:

1. I had the chance to sleep in, so I did.
2. All my homework was finished.
3. It was the last day of classes before fall break.
4. In the girls' dorm Tuesday night, we had a breast cancer awareness party. The resident director bought a bunch of pink t-shirts and we all got to decorate one with Puff paint. Today we were all going to wear them and get our picture taken together before Chapel. Plus I got to wear the striped pink socks I won in a raffle Tuesday. We won't talk about the glitter Puff paint that I got on my moccasins - which, by the way, I wore anyway today.
5. I got compliments on my shirt, which had some messed up spots, so that made me feel good that it wasn't as bad as I thought.
6. Chapel was good. One of the students rapped his way through the Gospel as a humble example of Christ's love; another shared his personal testimony; and an illusionist, although he only performed one trick, spoke on an interesting point of how our perspective changes when we come to know Christ. Made me think.
7. I got to see people excited and happy instead of dealing with a few who might have been hurt and frustrated.
8. I spent some time this afternoon with a good friend of mine and other friends who stopped by our table in the campus coffeehouse. I laughed a lot, had a pumpkin spice latte, and shared time with excellent people.
9. We had a makeover session during one of my classes today. There are only four of us in the class, we're all girls, and we're all anchors for the campus news broadcast, so my professor thought it would be neat if a Bare Escentuals representative could come and give us some tips on make-up. Not gonna lie - those HD cameras we have are brutal, and I am very pale and prone to stress breakouts. I took any help I could get. Also there was a goody bag.
10. My last class of the day let out early. I was definitely okay with that.
11. I got to come home and spend time with my family.
12. When I was unloading my car when I got home, I turned and saw an older lady who lives a few doors down hobbling down her driveway with her walker to get her mail from her mailbox. It broke me apart. She made me think of my grandma, who passed away this summer, and who was and always will be one of my favorite people. She meant and still means the world to me; I think about her all the time. Lately I've been overwhelmed with this prodding feeling, like a push, telling me to do something I wouldn't normally do. Granted, I think about doing or saying a lot of things that can really only help someone out. When I ignore this prodding, I deeply regret it and my heart sinks. Loaded down like a Sherpa with all the bags I was carrying, I fought back tears walking up my own driveway and trying to interpret this "feeling" this time. My puppy greeted me enthusiastically, I dropped off my stuff, and then I found my mom and asked her if we could make dinner for the lady down the street.

Honestly, this was the best part of my day. All the other things stopped mattering. The student who rapped during Chapel kept putting emphasis on giving your life away for Jesus. I've been trying to see past myself and all the tasks I set before myself and see instead how I can encourage others and, again, do or say those things that I only think about doing or saying. I realize that I have the Holy Spirit with me, and I know that these pushes that I have been getting lately are because I have asked the Spirit to show me opportunities to share and help. It is always so amazing when I respond to it.

My mom and I walked down to drop off spaghetti at the lady's house. Her husband is in a nursing home struggling with Alzheimer's and battling cancer simultaneously. She is still recovering from a fall that broke her hip this summer. She was very kind and we talked to her for probably 20 minutes, just standing in her doorway. The experiences shared and this time spent was incredible to me.

Normally, I just would have thought, "Oh, that would be nice if we brought her brownies or something" and kept walking in to my own home, not phased at all, and sat down and played Beatles Rock Band like I was planning on doing. But God is working in my life and in the lives of his followers to push them to do things that they wouldn't normally do. We are given the Spirit to help us see how to "give our life away for Christ" and to see things with a new perspective.

I'm wondering what the prodding will be next time. Pray that I'll respond to it.

Once upon a time, you had to grow up.

Here's the deal: I like writing. I do. Ever since I started reading chapter books in kindergarten, I wanted to be an author or a writer to some extent. When I wasn't pretending I was a meteorologist, standing next to a wall with the weather section taped up, I was reading out loud the stories in the paper. I would provide voices for the characters in the Baby-Sitters Club books and Harry Potter (I liked pretending I had a British accent) or Harriet the Spy or whatever I could find and stay in my room for hours just reading. Then I started writing my own stories, since, you know, elementary schools are so gung-ho on wringing any and all creativity out of children. I wrote stories on the computer or even the typewriter about detectives and people living in space and a girl who had dreams that came true in the future.

And the silly part is, people read my stories. It was odd to me, that anyone other than myself should read what I was writing. It was a party that remained in my brain and was out on paper for my sake. Which, several years later, leads me to this. I'd say the only main reason I didn't have a blog until now is because I don't understand why anyone would want to read what I'm writing. And, shucks, maybe nobody does. Want to read this, I mean. But either way, this is here now. So anyway...

Now, I'm a junior at a university, where it does, in fact, actually matter what you want to be when you grow up. I am a Communications major, taking the Public Relations track, and am involved in our online student newspaper that just launched this semester. It's a blast. I can edit, write stories about events and topics, take photos, utilize ideas - all the good stuff I like to do. Of course, it's a lot of work but I sure do enjoy it. I feel as though this whole experience is pulling me in the right direction, even if it isn't what I think it is.

I also am pulled toward ministry. I love Jesus and I am always working on loving him and his people - you know, the population of the rest of the planet...yes, those people. If I can write and somehow benefit the kingdom of God, maybe that's where he wants me to be. I'd be okay with that.

Alas, whether someone other than myself reads this or not, let's have a fun time here. Who has time to waste, really?